I feel lost and futile. The capacity for the former depends on the fulfilment of the latter. The one is the counterpart of the other and something continually tells me that it was for fulfilment in that way that I was led to you. The instinct is so strong that I cannot get round it or through it or over it. It is difficult to ask you to have faith in it as the full proof of its correctness can only come after your death. But there it is, Bapu, and I can only leave it at-that. This much I know full well that during this struggle my strength, capacity and inner peace and happiness are much greater than last time, because I had been able to serve according to niy instinct (except for one short spell of anguish since your previous release). The fact that I was on the point of a breakdown when I came here, had nothing to do with this question. It was sheer over work, because when I saw that I was shortly going to be arrested, 'I simply spent my strength recklessly, knowing an enforced rest was coming. And there was more than enough work around me to be reckless over. "Who knows if it is all delusion! But a woman has to go by instinct. It is strength with her than any amount of reason, and her full strength can only be harnessed and brought into service if her nature is able to express itself. I have no thought, no care, no longing in all the world except for you -- you the cause you the ideal. To serve that cause in this life and to reach that ideal in after life, God who has brought me from utter darkness to the light of your path will surely not answer my prayers by leaving me now to follow a wrong instinct? I have not written all this for the sake of argument, but simply to share with you the result of my ceaseless strivings to understand since I have been in jail." " बापू, आपको अत्तम सेवा किस तरह कर सकती हूँ, यह विचार मेरे मनसे. कभी निकलता ही नहीं है । मैं विचार करती हैं, अपने मनको समझाती हूँ और भगवानसे प्रार्थना करती हूँ, मगर अन्तमें मेरे अन्तरकी गुफामेंसे अक ही आवाज अठती है । जब आपको हमारे बीचसे झुठा लिया जाता है, जैसे कि जेलमें, तब मैं आपके बाहरी कामोंमें पूरे जोशके साथ पड़ सकती हूँ। कुछ भी शंका या कुछ भी मुस्किल पैदा नहीं होती । मगर जब आप हमारे पास n
